“This is the first day of the rest of your life.”
Who’s the genius that lives in a freakin’ bubble? I was listening to a song and this was the words. It sounds good, but try putting this little gem into practice.
We are such suckers. We actually buy into the mentality that somehow each morning we have the power to positive think ourselves into a clean slate. Our heads pop off the pillow and we are bright, pristine white, and snuggle soft.
I have to be honest…I’m just not there. The truth is there is NO FIRST DAY. I have decisions that I made yesterday that will haunt me for the rest of my life. The worst part is that life shoves out a compiling effect. Cause it’s not just yesterday, but the twelve year old Matt Sullivan that got exposed to porn and lives with those images..um…let’s see – oh yeah. FOREVER!
How do you reconcile this stuff? I sit in church and try not to freak out – I just want to stand up and yell, “MY LIFE IS NOT IN YOUR BIBLE! I CAN’T MEASURE UP!”
I get the Mercy and Grace. Trust me it’s the only reason I am still around. I’m in ICU spiritually, but I know Jesus is in it all. I just want people to be real with me. I have to go to church tomorrow and put on my happy, plastic face because they are done with me mourning the lose of my father. They give me the look like, “You still dealing with that?”
I literally find myself choking every time somebody ask me, “how are you doing?” – I know they don’t really care. They got their own #@$# they are dealing with. I get it and it’s okay.
But don’t talk to me about First Days cause every day I wake up and sigh because I am still breathing…
Tonight was Sean’s night with daddy. He is six and he was ready with his Superman pajama’s for a reading time with just me. One of the books he picked was Green Eggs and Ham. I love this book.
For some reason tonight, even though I have read the Dr. Seuss classic a million times, something was different about the book. I found a profound, yet simplistic truth hidden within the banter between Sam I am and his grumpy ham hater.
From the very beginning Sam has an up hill battle. His comrade declares, “That Sam-I-am! That Sam-I am! I do not like that Sam-I-Am!” – Most of us would have gotten mad and given up at this point. “He doesn’t like me! To hell with him! I’ll just find someone else to eat my green eggs and him.”
Sam-I-am has a completely opposite response with a big grin, “Do you like green eggs and ham?” – Did Sam not hear the guy say that he did not like him? The fact was that he was responding to his hate with compassion. Sam was basically saying, “I don’t really care if you like me or not. I know once you taste these green eggs and ham – I can win you over!”
For the rest of the book Sam is trying to get the grumpy old man to taste his green eggs and ham. Sam-I-Am is the picture of unwavering persistence. Most of us quit before we even get started. Take this blog for instance. This has been something I have wanted to do for a long time, but have always felt like I had nothing to say.
I felt as if no one would read what I write. It was easier just to plan on doing it someday. It really does not matter anymore if people read it. The point is I am following through. It is amazing to me how many blogs and websites I have looked at where people have quit trying. They are really good sites and blogs, but for some reason they are no longer maintaining them. They are just casualties of a war they are no longer fighting.
My own demons of insecurity inside tell me that I have nothing to say, and that I should just forget it. To find inspiration all I have to do is look at my kids and realize that I have more than a few eyes looking at me waiting to see if I can make it.
Sam-I-Am – Thanks for the unexpected gift of learning the power of persistence.