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“This is the first day of the rest of your life.”

Who’s the genius that lives in a freakin’ bubble? I was listening to a song and this was the words. It sounds good, but try putting this little gem into practice.

We are such suckers. We actually buy into the mentality that somehow each morning we have the power to positive think ourselves into a clean slate. Our heads pop off the pillow and we are bright, pristine white, and snuggle soft.

I have to be honest…I’m just not there. The truth is there is NO FIRST DAY. I have decisions that I made yesterday that will haunt me for the rest of my life. The worst part is that life shoves out a compiling effect. Cause it’s not just yesterday, but the twelve year old Matt Sullivan that got exposed to porn and lives with those images..um…let’s see – oh yeah. FOREVER!

How do you reconcile this stuff? I sit in church and try not to freak out – I just want to stand up and yell, “MY LIFE IS NOT IN YOUR BIBLE! I CAN’T MEASURE UP!”

I get the Mercy and Grace. Trust me it’s the only reason I am still around. I’m in ICU spiritually, but I know Jesus is in it all. I just want people to be real with me. I have to go to church tomorrow and put on my happy, plastic face because they are done with me mourning the lose of my father. They give me the look like, “You still dealing with that?”

I literally find myself choking every time somebody ask me, “how are you doing?” – I know they don’t really care. They got their own #@$# they are dealing with. I get it and it’s okay.

But don’t talk to me about First Days cause every day I wake up and sigh because I am still breathing…

Hope  is an interesting word that is being bantered about these days. It sounds great, doesn’t it? What does it really mean?

 The dictionary defines Hope as: 

To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.

We all talk, talk, talk about change and we hope things get better, but nobody does anything to fufill the hope. In reality, by the definition I just read, hope is nothing more than a dream expecting someone else to fufill it. I guess  hope is just about as useless as intention which means:  A course of action that one intends to follow.

Potential is another word that I have come to despise. Potential means, Capable of being but not yet in existence. As a young buck my sales career was wrapped up in potential. I had all the makings of a superstar salesperson. My managers saw it. My wife saw it. Everyone could see the possibility of greatness, but the price felt like it was always to high for me to pay.

So Hope, Intention, Potential – They can all have the same end in the life of a person. They are all unused energy.

Action? Oh wow! That’s a whole different word. When you start talking action then people really get upset. I mean folks get downright pissed off when you put your word into action. Who does he think he is? You think it takes audacity to hope – try action!

The Audacity of Action is what rocks the world.

Writing this blog is the hardest I have ever worked. Don’t laugh. Writing is the hardest thing you will ever do, as well. This is not about writing…this is about me and the lie I have been living.

The truth is that I do not work much. Not your definition of work. I do not have a 9 – 5, I tried that one time. I couldn’t do it. I failed miserably.

Wow! This is tough. Here is it goes…I am 36 years old and essesntially retired. I work about an hour a day from my home on a business my wife and I started about three years ago. The rest of the time I spend hanging out with my three kids. We live a modest life. We homeschool and have the freedom to go when and where we want. I make good money, but my wife and I decided a long time ago that we were not going to sell our soul to become rich.

I personally believe their are a lot of guys like me. You call them unemployed, but the truth is they feel guilty for their success. I know I do. None of my friends know because I am afraid of what they would think. So why am I so worried? What is that make me ashamed of the success and the blessing we have been given?

In the beginning I found myself sabatoging my career because I felt I did not deserve to do well financially. I was terrified that I would turn into a egotistical, shallow man. Now, I know that this is true, but my wife loves me anyway.

Now, I am worried that the gods of blessing will look down on me for writing or speaking of this success. I will somehow provoke their anger.

No matter. I am writing this anyway. I do not care what the gods say. I feel that I have an opportunity to help others achieve their version of success. Whatever that looks like to you. I would like to help you step out and have the courage to get out of the current mindset that is keeping you from your goals.

As the days, weeks, and months unfold I would like to share with you some thoughts and ideas of what is working for us and how you can implement it. These are universal truths – not something just for a select few. For now, keep this underwraps. I do not want my friends to know…wait! Is this thing on?!

Tonight was Sean’s night with daddy. He is six and he was ready with his Superman pajama’s for a reading time with just me. One of the books he picked was Green Eggs and Ham. I love this book.

For some reason tonight, even though I have read the Dr. Seuss classic a million times, something was different about the book. I found a profound, yet simplistic truth hidden within the banter between Sam I am and his grumpy ham hater.

From the very beginning Sam has an up hill battle. His comrade declares, “That Sam-I-am! That Sam-I am! I do not like that Sam-I-Am!” – Most of us would have gotten mad and given up at this point. “He doesn’t like me! To hell with him! I’ll just find someone else to eat my green eggs and him.”

Sam-I-am has a completely opposite response with a big grin, “Do you like green eggs and ham?” – Did Sam not hear the guy say that he did not like him? The fact was that he was responding to his hate with compassion. Sam was basically saying, “I don’t really care if you like me or not. I know once you taste these green eggs and ham – I can win you over!”

For the rest of the book  Sam is trying to get the grumpy old man to taste his green eggs and ham.  Sam-I-Am is the picture of unwavering persistence. Most of us quit before we even get started. Take this blog for instance. This has been something I have wanted to do for a long time, but have always felt like I had nothing to say.

I felt as if no one would read what I write. It was easier just to plan on doing it someday. It really does not matter anymore if people read it. The point is I am following through. It is amazing to me how many blogs and websites I have looked at where people have quit trying. They are really good sites and blogs, but for some reason they are no longer maintaining them. They are just casualties of a war they are no longer fighting.

My own demons of insecurity inside tell me that I have nothing to say, and that I should just forget it. To find inspiration all I have to do is look at my kids and realize that I have more than a few eyes looking at me waiting to see if I can make it.

Sam-I-Am – Thanks for the unexpected gift of learning the power of persistence.

Bleesed Assurance? Really? It doesn’t seem like it to me. Let me ask a question: Why are the walls of our Christian bookstores filled with propaganda attempting to support our “rock solid” faith in Jesus. Is the Bible so difficult to understand that we need a Rick Warren to tell us our life is purpose driven? Do our knees buckle so quickly that we pine for the Beth Moore Super Pack with a journal, study group binder, 8 session DVD, and don’t forget the Soundtrack.

The truth seems so difficult to comprehend that we require an intravenous dose of Jesus. We need Jim Caviezel (he has dibs on any Jesus performance) to read the Bible for us in a dramatic way. God incarnate just does not cut it for us anymore – His story is not life changing enough. The sincere milk of the word is choking us because we are lactose intolerant.

It’s okay…God is used to being treated like he needs an interpreter. I just hope, for our sake, the the interpretation is not done by Cody Liney from Disney’s Hanna Montana.

Oh, wait! It is.